Redneck Medical Terms

I saw this posted be a friend and thought it was pretty funny.

You know I like lists of any kind. It still boggles my mind on who comes up with this stuff and how it gets past around.

But whoever it is, thanks for the laugh or two.

Redneck Medical Terms

A pubic hair is a type of wild rabbit.

Asphalt describes rectal problems.

A condom is a large apartment.

Douche is the French word for “twelve.

Genitals are people of non-Jewish descent.

A diaphragm is a drawing in Geometry.

Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke.

An erection is when Japanese people vote.

A dildo is a variety of the sweet pickle.

An umbilical chord is part of a parachute.

Spread Eagle is an extinct bird.

A menstrual cycle has three wheels.

The clitoris is a type of flower.

Testacles are found on an octopus.

Kotex is a radio station in Cincinnati.

Masturbate is used to catch large fish.

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Martin Luther King, Jr.

Martin Luther King, Jr. who gave his famous #IHaveADream speech 50 years ago.

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Maxine Nightingale

The other day, I was watching a show on PBS about music from the 70’s and they had Maxine Nightingale.

Nightingale on the Dutch TV program The Eddy Go Round Show, 1976

Nightingale on the Dutch TV program The Eddy Go Round Show, 1976

So, of course I had to BING Maxine Nightingale to get the 411 on her and here is what I found out.

Maxine Nightingale (born 2 November 1952; Wembley, London) is a British R&B and soul music singer. She is best known for her hits in the 1970s, with the million seller “Right Back Where We Started From” (1975, U.K. & 1976, U.S.), “Love Hit Me” (1977), and “Lead Me On” (1979). (From Wikipedia.com).

First of all, I only ever heard two songs by her: “Right Back Where We Started From” (1975) and “Lead Me On” (1979).

Second, I didn’t know she was English?

Here is my favorite song by her. I’ve included the lyrics just in case you want to sing along.

Maxine Nightingale
Right Back Where We Started From

Songwriters: Tubbs, Pierre / Edwards, J Vincent

Ooh, and it’s alright an it’s coming on
We gotta get right back to where we started from
Love is good, love can be strong
We gotta get right back to where we started from

Do you remember the day (that sunny day)
When you first came my way
I said, no one could take your place
And if you get hurt (if you get hurt)
By the little things I say
I can put that smile back on your face

Ooh, and it’s alright and it’s coming on
We gotta get it right back to where we started from
Love is good, love can be strong
We gotta get it right back to where we started from

A love like ours (a love like ours)
Can never fade away
You know it’s only just begun
You gave me your love (gave me your love)
I just can’t stay away, no, no
I know you are the only one

Ooh, and it’s alright and it’s coming on
We gotta get it right back to where we started from
Love is good, love can be strong
We gotta get it right back to where we started from

You gave me your love (gave me your love)
I just can’t stay away, no
I know you are the only one

Ooh, you know it’s alright and it’s coming on
We gotta get it right back to where we started from
Love is good, love can be strong
We gotta get it right back to where we started from

It’s alright and it’s coming on
We gotta get it right back to where we started from
Love is good, love can be strong
We gotta get it right back to where we started from

It’s alright and it’s coming on
We gotta get it right back to where we started from
Love is good, love can be strong
We gotta get it right back to where we started from

 
From

 
Offical website:
maxinenightingale.biz

Saying for the Day

Saw this and wanted to share it.

Make it a great start of the week!

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18 Everyday Products You’ve Been Using Wrong

I saw this feed and I was floored when I read it!

So I’m totally stealing the article for this post.

18 Everyday Products You’ve Been Using Wrong

Your life has been a lie.
posted on

August 23, 2013 at 2:03pm EDT
Gabby Noone
BuzzFeed Staff

You’ve probably been ignoring this feature.

Most aluminum foil boxes have press-in tabs that secure the roll in place, so you don’t have worry about it flying out every time you rip off a sheet.

Foil

 

You’ve been dispensing Tic Tacs the hard way.

You know how when you violently shake a container of Tic Tacs into your palm it seems as though you always end up with zero or seven? Avoid that altogether by letting a mint gently glide into the tiny lid crevice.

Tic Tacs

 

Forget to pack a spoon with that applesauce? No problem.

Ever find yourself with an individual cup of applesauce or yogurt and no spoon? Instead of slurping and probably getting half of your snack on your shirt, turn the foil lid into a makeshift spoon.

Obviously, don’t try this if you’ve got a mouth full of metal fillings.

Applesauce

Applesauce - 2

 

Applesauce - 3

 

You’ve been storing peanut butter the wrong way.

Never arm wrestle with a jar of peanut butter, just to make sure it’s not oily on top and crumby on the bottom, again. Store it upside down, so the oils distribute evenly.

Peanut Butter

 

You haven’t been using ketchup cups to their full potential.

Instead of grabbing multiple cups of ketchup, simply pull apart at the edges for twice the space.

Ketchup

 

You’re probably using the wrong plunger.

This is easily the most recognizable plunger. Chances are you have one lying around the house. BUT, did you know it’s only meant to be used on clogged sinks?

To unclog a toilet, you need a flange plunger, which doesn’t have a flat bottom.

 

Plunger - 1

Plunger - 2

 

Chinese takeout containers are actually made to fold out into plates.

The containers actually are meant to unfold into a makeshift plate, which you can easily reassemble into a box for storing leftovers.

Takeout

 

You’re brushing with too much toothpaste.

You only need to use a pea-sized amount of toothpaste for effective cleaning. Most ads feature globs of toothpaste the size of the brush because a.) it looks nice and b.) it makes you use up more toothpaste.

Toothbrush

 

Greek yogurt containers are meant to be folded in half.

Chances are you’ve been scooping the toppings with your spoon onto the yogurt.

But, have you realized, the topping holder folds over, so you can pour the toppings DIRECTLY ON TOP?

 

Yogurt - 1

 

Yogurt - 2

You’ve probably been placing toilet seat covers in the wrong direction.

The flap is meant to be placed toward the front. This prevents the agony of sitting down on a toilet seat, only to realize you’ve dragged the cover down into the bowl.

Seat Cover

 

Soda tabs double as straw holders.

Turn the tab around so that it acts as holder that can stop the straw from raising out of the can as the soda fizzes.

Soda Can

 

There’s a foolproof way to keep your extension cords from coming undone.

Plug the cords into a loop to avoid disconnection.

Cords

 

Pipe cleaners can be used to clean..ACTUAL PIPES.

OK, sure, you can use them to make mess free crafts with your kids, but did you know you can also use them…

Pipe Cleaners

Pipe Cleaners - 2

You’ve been serving juice boxes the wrong way.

Pull the sides out so you child has something to grasp onto, stopping them from spilling.

Juice Box

 

 

Never break off more chocolate than you can chew again.

To easily break off a single piece of Toblerone, pull toward the bar, not away from it.

Candy

 

You probably don’t realize it, but your pots come with built-in spoon rests.

That hanging hole doubles as a spoon rest, in a pinch.

Pots

 

There’s a much easier way to floss.

Tie floss into a loop and never strangle your fingers again.

Floss

 

Soft-drink lids can double as coasters.

Take the lid from the top of cup (or grab an extra) and use it as a perfectly sized coaster.

 

Soft Drink

Happy Birthday, Brad

Today is my nephew, Brad Keesler’s birthday. He turned 26 years old today.

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From the very moment that my sister, Cynthia told me she was pregnant, I have loved this kid! Not a day goes by that I don’t count my blessings that I have this person in my life.

He has grown into a wonderful young man. I cannot wait to see what she does with the rest of his life. The sky is the limit on what he can do

So I want to thank my sister and my brother-in-law for raising such a good person and to my niece who has been a part of his growing to be the man he has become.

I love you, Brad more than words can say. I know that you have special people watching over you and blessing you along your way.

Happy birthday and I love you.

Friday Laugh

I saw this posted on a friend’s Facebook status and thought it was pretty funny.

I laughed out loud on #5, #6, #8 and #16. My mom was convinced that if we went outside with wet hair, we would catch a cold. I can still close my eyes and see her standing there and yelling at my brother and I to wear a hat! I would be saying that was the stupidest thing I had ever heard and that there was no way I would catch a cold that way… on the inside!!

So, I thought I would share it with y’all today.

T.G.I.F. – Make it a good one!

Things I learned from my mother

1. My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me about RELIGION.

“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My mother taught me about LOGIC.

“Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. My mother taught me about FORESIGHT.

“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

6. My mother taught me about IRONY.

“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

7. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

8. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

“This room of yours looks like a tornado went through it.”

9. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”

10. My mother taught me about the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”

11. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

“Stop acting like your father!”

12. My mother taught me about ENVY.

“There are millions of children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

13. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

“Just wait until we get home.”

14. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

“You are going to get it when you get home!”

15. My mother taught me about MEDICAL SCIENCE.

“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”

16. My mother taught me about ESP.

“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you’ll be cold?”

17. My mother taught me about HUMOR.

“When that lawnmower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

18. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

19. My mother taught me about GENETICS.

“You’re just like your father.”

20. My mother taught me about WISDOM.

“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.

21. My mother taught me about SHARING.

” I’m going to give you a piece of my mind!”

22. My mother taught me about FEAR.

“One day you’ll have a child who’ll do the same things to you.”

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