The Good, Bad and Ugly by Kelly

One of my favorite things about Facebook is reconnecting with old friends. Or getting to know people better that you didn’t know so well back in school.

Here is a post from Kelly and his adventure with his new fiancé, Christy. I don’t think I laughed that hard a post in a long time. I read it twice and cracked up everything.

I asked if I could post it here because it was so darn funny. He said I could. I left a comment for him that my brother, Joe would love this story. It was right up his sense of humor.

Congratulations again to Kelly and Christie. If this the start of your life together… you better fasten your seatbelts!

(By Kelly)
WARNING!!! Not for the faint of heart or stomach.

Let just say the name of my weekend should be the good, the bad and the ugly.

I went to Chicago to spend time with Chirsty, and make a huge step in my life. This is where the GOOD part comes into play. 

I spent a long time looking for the perfect way to tell her that I want to spend my life with her but in the end it was simply my down on one knee, with a beautiful ring in my hand shaking like a leaf, and a heart rate of 5000 beats per minute asking her to marry me. SHE SAID YES!!!! 

We had an amazing day and night at Fox River resort just outside of Chicago, and just relaxed. Italian for dinner and just talked for hours. (I love that we can talk about anything).

Woke up this morning packed the car and headed to Chicago, before I had to catch a plane back to Houston. We went to Wrigley Field, then through the city and had a great time just seeing the skyline. We took what seems like the longest route to Walmart for some things I needed to pick up before my flight.

This is where the BAD parts comes in. We spent what seems like hours, searching for a place to eat. Finally ended up at a Mexican place with a Burrito that must have weighed 3 pounds each. Both Christy and I did some damage to the burritos, but didn’t finish them. 20 minutes later she informs me that we needed to find a little girls room. LOL I find a McDonalds and pull in. She disappears for a couple of minutes and comes out feeling much better, I’m assuming by the smile on her face. I however can’t leave without getting a Chocolate shake.

It’s now time to head to the airport. (I didn’t want to leave her). She drops me off early because this airport is extremely busy. We hated saying goodbye, but she finally drove off and I went inside. I make my way to the mile long line to get through security. While standing in line I feel a bump from behind me and turn to see a child about 4 years old. His mother says Ricky, back up. 2 minutes later, I feel another bump and hear the words Ricky, get back here. 2 minutes later I get poked and little Ricky says, mister you can step forward a step. By this time that burrito had already been working on my intestines and burning a hole in my gut. As I go to step forward and only inches from little Rickys face I release a silent cloud of gas that Osama Bin Laden could have used as a WMD. Little Rickys mom asked him, Ricky did you go poopy in your pants? At that point I was called to the desk and made my way through the check point.

I waited for my plane, to board which was quite a wait, but I finally boarded the plane and got to my seat. By this point that burrito had been cooking inside of me for a few hours. NOW comes the UGLY part. I’m patiently waiting for the Captain to turn off the seatbelt light but he’s not doing it due to heavy turbulence. We finally make it to 36000 ft and I can get out of my seat. I make my way to the front of the plane. I close the door and this is where things go south. I’m taking care of business and at this point, the plane drops, I come off the seat, hit my head on ceiling above me and yell Son of a Bitch so loud that the crew outside could have heard me. (I’m emailing the airline to suggest seatbelts for the toilets). I finally finish up and return to my seat. At his point I thought the ordeal was over but a woman just 2 rows up, heads to the bathroom. I begin to giggle because I know what she’s walking into. She in there for a couple minutes, comes out and gives me the look of total disgust. I thought oh well if that’s the worse part of my trip I’m ok with it. Boy was I wrong!!! Remember that Chocolate shake? Well I’m lactose intolerant. I get a wicked case of gas. Every 5 minutes I silently crop dust everyone within 4 rows of me. 

I make it back to Houston, and the plane sits on the tarmac for an hour and ten minutes waiting for a gate to open. On the up side, I’m finally home eating my Mario’s pizza.

OMG! Poor Little Ricky! “Did you poppy in your pants?” I’m crying! I can’t breathe! Too funny.

If I ever have an incident like Kelly, I’m going to blame it on Little Ricky!

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