731 Days

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say, “I know it’s hard. You’re going to be okay.

731 Days

That is how many days it’s been from Thursday, August 28th, 2014 to Sunday, August 28th, 2016 since my brother, Joe died.

It’s hard to believe it’s been two years already. Sometimes it feels like a lifetime ago that it happened and other times it feels like it just happened.
Joe was your typical little, pain in the ass brother! Oh, how he could press my buttons and set me off. We could give each other the silent treatment like nobody’s business. Then there were those times where we would be the best of friends.

We would quote movie lines back to each other. Or text each other, while being in the same room.

Joe had a strange and weird sense of humor. Either you got it and thought it was funny or you didn’t get it.

I still have the texts that we sent each other the morning that he died. I so afraid of losing them, that I have them saved on a couple of Clouds and SD cards. I haven’t brought myself to read them. I don’t know when I will be able to read them without being crashed that Joe is gone.
His Facebook page is still open, I haven’t been able to close the account. Once in a while I like going on there and reading the nice posts from his friends who say that they miss him and his sense of humor.

The first six months after his death, I was gun-ho on cleaning out his room and getting stuff organized. Now, at the two-year mark, I haven’t been able to go through his stuff. Not sure when I will be able to go in there and take care of it?

Peanut Butter, you wonder why peanut butter would make me think of Joe? For the past two years, we have had the same peanut butter jars in the cabinet when Joe died. Joe ate a huge spoonful of peanut butter every night. We went through a lot of peanut butter when he was alive.

One of the last meals that Joe ate was spaghetti that I made. He even made a comment on how good it was. To this day, I have a very hard time making spaghetti.

I remember Joe when I see something funny on TV. My first reaction is to text Joe or let him know that I saw something funny. He would be thrilled that the “Glimore Girls” is coming back.

This past week leading up to today have been very hard. My emotions have been all over the place. A little bit of me is still mad as hell that Joe left me and there is a little bit that still in denial that he is gone. I swear if I gave in to them, I could cry all day or want to punch someone/something.

I wish that I could snap my fingers and everything would be back to normal. But I know that won’t happen. I have to believe that Joe is with our Mom and both are pain free and together and having a blast together.

Once is a while, I feel that he (and my Mom) are watching over me.

Like when I drive into work, sometimes I see two Cardinals flying across the road. Cardinals are supposed to mean that angels are near. 

Or whenever I hear “Free Bird” by Lynyrd Skynyrd. Joe had this weird connection to that song. He always requested that our nephew play that song on his trombone. So whenever I hear it, I think it’s Joe letting me know he’s there.  Even Brad, our nephew, has experienced hearing that song while he was doing something to the truck he drives, which was Joe’s truck.

So today, I will try to remember all the good times and all the laughs we had

Until we meet again, brother. I miss you.

“Cryin’ for Me (Wayman’s Song)” is a song written and recorded by American country music artist Toby Keith. Keith wrote this song as a tribute to his friend and fellow Oklahoman Wayman Tisdale, a basketball player and jazz musician, who passed away in on Friday 15th May 2009.

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