My Brother, Joe M. Garza

Well, here we are again. It’s been four years since Joe died. I can’t believe how fast it has gone by. But them there are times when it seems like forever ago.

As I have done in previous years, I am reposting all the post since Joe left me.

I miss you little brother! Give mom a hug and kiss from me!

From August 28, 2017

Well, it’s been three years since my little brother, Joe M. Garza died unexpectedly. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him or miss him.

Time seems to be going by so fast that it doesn’t feel like it’s been three years.

I decided to repost the post that I did in 2014, 2015 and 2016. I was able to read what I wrote in 2014. But I couldn’t bring myself to read what I wrote in 2015 and 2016. I will… someday.

But I wanted to share them again and let you know that my brother was one-of-a-kind. I want him to be remembered for the unique person he was.

So, for today, I will also post “Free Bird” by Lynyrd Skynyrd for him.

Joe, I miss you and still can’t believe we are not going to grow old together.

Tell Mom I love her and give her a hug from me.

From August 28, 2016

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say, “I know it’s hard. You’re going to be okay.

731 Days

That is how many days it’s been from Thursday, August 28th, 2014 to Sunday, August 28th, 2016 since my brother, Joe died.

It’s hard to believe it’s been two years already. Sometimes it feels like a lifetime ago that it happened and other times it feels like it just happened.

Joe was your typical little, pain in the ass brother! Oh, how he could press my buttons and set me off. We could give each other the silent treatment like nobody’s business. Then there were those times where we would be the best of friends.

We would quote movie lines back to each other. Or text each other, while being in the same room.

Joe had a strange and weird sense of humor. Either you got it and thought it was funny or you didn’t get it.

I still have the texts that we sent each other the morning that he died. I so afraid of losing them, that I have them saved on a couple of Clouds and SD cards. I haven’t brought myself to read them. I don’t know when I will be able to read them without being crashed that Joe is gone. His Facebook page is still open, I haven’t been able to close the account. Once in a while I like going on there and reading the nice posts from his friends who say that they miss him and his sense of humor.

The first six months after his death, I was gun-ho on cleaning out his room and getting stuff organized. Now, at the two-year mark, I haven’t been able to go through his stuff. Not sure when I will be able to go in there and take care of it?

Peanut Butter, you wonder why peanut butter would make me think of Joe? For the past two years, we have had the same peanut butter jars in the cabinet when Joe died. Joe ate a huge spoonful of peanut butter every night. We went through a lot of peanut butter when he was alive.

One of the last meals that Joe ate was spaghetti that I made. He even made a comment on how good it was. To this day, I have a very hard time making spaghetti.

I remember Joe when I see something funny on TV. My first reaction is to text Joe or let him know that I saw something funny. He would be thrilled that the “Glimore Girls” is coming back.

This past week leading up to today have been very hard. My emotions have been all over the place. A little bit of me is still mad as hell that Joe left me and there is a little bit that still in denial that he is gone. I swear if I gave in to them, I could cry all day or want to punch someone/something.

I wish that I could snap my fingers and everything would be back to normal. But I know that won’t happen. I have to believe that Joe is with our Mom and both are pain free and together and having a blast together.

Once is a while, I feel that he (and my Mom) are watching over me.

Like when I drive into work, sometimes I see two Cardinals flying across the road. Cardinals are supposed to mean that angels are near.

Or whenever I hear “Free Bird” by Lynyrd Skynyrd. Joe had this weird connection to that song. He always requested that our nephew play that song on his trombone. So whenever I hear it, I think it’s Joe letting me know he’s there.  Even Brad, our nephew, has experienced hearing that song while he was doing something to the truck he drives, which was Joe’s truck.

So today, I will try to remember all the good times and all the laughs we had

Until we meet again, brother. I miss you.

From August 28, 2015

Hard to believe it’s been a year since my little brother, Joe M. Garza died.

Lord knows that boy could press my buttons and get me going. But how I would give anything to have him back.

The year of firsts is behind us now. First birthdays, holidays, anniversaries and special occasions. Now we are to the first year of you  being gone.

Just recently, after talking with our cousin, Emma, did I feel a little comfort, relief, happiness since you died. Oh, it still hurts, but I can make it a couple of days, weeks without being too sad.

I know you are with our Mom, just having a grand old time. I came in last place compared to our sister, Cynthia; being my Mom’s favorite. I’ve always been cool with that. They deserved it. Now I know they are together in heaven and that does give me some peace.

Found this poem and changed it a little. (Thank you and sorry to the person who wrote it.)

Missing You

There is so much I wish to say

I think about you every day

I miss your laugh

I miss your smile

Neither lost nor forgotten…

I imagine them often

It just doesn’t seem real that you’re not around

I still look for you when I’m in town…

I’ll never forget on the 4th of July…

As I sat on the curb, tears filled my eyes….

I found myself looking for you…..

Until I realized what was true…

I will never again see your wave and your smile…

We won’t stand on the street and visit for a while…

No “how you doing Sis” with a big hug to follow….

No “what are you doing tonight” or “I’ll see ya tomorrow”…

All of these things, I cherish so dearly …

In my heart, I remember so clearly…

I still talk to you …

I know you can hear me…

Today I spoke of you and before I finished my sentence….

I could feel your presence…

Then .. a coincidence, or was it a sign?

The song that reminds me of you began to play (“Frer Bird”)…

As If you knew I was thinking of you this day…

I smiled.. feeling you were there with me …

Again… I sat remembering…

Tears filled my eyes as I listened to the song.

But this time I accepted that you are gone.

One year later..

Seems like forever….

I’ve asked myself and I’ve talked to God…..

How could he take you away for so long?

The only answer that makes any sense is ….

You’re in God’s hands now… 

As he planned

Watching us from above…

An Angel in heaven who will always be loved.

Joe… Till we meet again in heaven. Take care of Mom, give her a big kiss and hug from me. I’ll be OK. I’m getting there one breathe at a time.

I love you, little brother.

From August 28, 2014

Family and friends, this has to be the 2nd saddest post I’ve had to put on here. This morning, my brother Joe Garza, passed away. These past couple of weeks, he wasn’t feeling well and they found out he had a weak heart. He went back into the hospital on Sunday and up to this morning he was joking around, being his typical self — I know, you’re surprised. But then this morning, he went down hill fast and they tried to bring him back, but with no luck. He wanted to be cremated and have a BBQ get together when he died. So that is what we are going to do in a couple of weeks. So now, he’s in heaven with our mom… driving her crazy with his jokes. Joe, I’m going to miss you and give mom a hug from me. (Sorry if we missed any family before posting this.)

 

 

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Fireworks

I want to see fireworks like this one day.

Next Roadtrip

I’m trying to figure out where I want to go on my next long roadtrip.

I just need to figure out where i want to go? No agenda, no fixed schedule. I just want to be on the road, music blasting and watching the stars at night.

I can handle about a 12-15 drive from where I live in South Texas. So do I go West? East? North?

Might just have to throw a dart at the map on this one.

Reina De Mi Amor

I really love listen to Tejano music while I’m walking.

Here is my current favorite song.

And here are the lyrics in case you want to sing along.

Reina De Mi Amor by Ram Herrera

CHORUS –
Tu eres la reina de mi amor
Tu eres la reina de mi vida
Y sabes que te quiero todavia
Aunque me hagas llorar

CHORUS B –
Hombres no deben de llorar
Pero te vengo llorando
Tu eres la reina de mi amor
Reina de mi amor

VERSE –
Sin ti yo no puedo vivir
Yo no puedo existir
Por lo tanto que te quiero

BRIDGE –
Contigo me siento como un Rey
Pero sin ti mejor me muero

Life…

I got this card & flowers from my co-workers… friends that I worked with for 5 years. I’m going to read that quote every day — “It is what we make it.” Life has a funny way of making life interesting.

Start of a new journey.

New Xtreme Adventure

I’m starting a new path in my career.

Monday, I will be working with a different segment of the company I’ve been at for almost five years.

It’s a new role and working with Engineers. I’m looking forward to the challenges of this new positions.

I have always said that if you do you work and do it well, someone, some where will notice it. Ansd if you let people know what you are looking for, there might come a time where you are the one they are looking for.

I will miss the family that I’ve been with for almost five years. We’ve been through good times and really bad times. But for sure, we were there for each other.

So, I’m going into new stage and take this mountain. As I always do, I will give 110% and be passionate in what I’m doing.

Can You Smell Them

I saw this picture and the first thing that came to me was the small of lilacs. Oh, how I miss that smell. We had a tree in out front had at the house I grew up at.

Need to order a candle so I can smell that smell whenever I want.

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